Suzanne's Mom's Blog

Photo: Matt McClain/Washington Post.
Albert Villa, center, and his grandmother, Jean Fratzke, right, during a practice for the Forgetful Friends Chorus on Oct. 7 in Springfield, Virginia. The chorus is for people with memory challenges and their caregivers.

I have blogged before about the ways people with dementia respond to music, how they can remember a song even when they can’t remember much else. Today’s story touched me particularly because one of the interviewees was so confident she was dementia-free. Her doctor had given her a list of conditions older people get, including dementia. “But that hasn’t happened,” she says stoutly.

Kendall Staton writes at the Washington Post, “Drema Yates, 86, wobbles into the sanctuary of Manassas Church of the Brethren, clutching tightly onto the arm of her husband, Mike Yates. She relies on Mike, who’s eight years younger, to keep her standing with each unsteady step. …

“A dozen people are talking in hushed voices, waiting for the rehearsal of the Forgetful Friends Chorus to begin. There’s no auditioning, because the only people allowed to participate are singers who have dementia and their caregivers.

“ ‘Singing brings me closer to God,’ Drema says. ‘God is in my world. Without God I wouldn’t know anything.’

“Drema can’t remember what she had for breakfast, but she knows she’s been married to Mike for 51 years. He reminds her that he made eggs, toast and coffee. Drema says matter-of-factly that she has a great memory.

“She was diagnosed with dementia four years ago.

“Says Mike, who is 78, ‘She refuses to accept that she’s got dementia.’ So, he avoids the subject altogether.

“The chorus is rehearsing ‘The Star Spangled Banner’ to open the Walk to End Alzheimer’s, an annual fundraiser hosted by the Alzheimer’s Association. Director Connie Young, who started the choir in 2016, says today is a better turnout than usual.

“The group gets together twice a month to rehearse and travels to local senior living facilities to perform. Before the coronavirus pandemic began in 2020, the choir sang for a crowd once every few months. Now the group performs only occasionally.

“Most recently, they sang at the funeral of Lisa Bosley, a member who died in May. Her husband, Dave Bosley, still sings with Forgetful Friends. He wants to feel connected to Lisa, he says: ‘We were married 56 years, 11 months, and 19 days.’ About a year ago, Bosley invited Drema and Mike to join the chorus. They’ve been coming ever since. …

“Mike makes Drema breakfast, drives her around and tries to make her happy. Their life is all he has, but it’s slipping away.

“ ‘We really had a good life together. To watch all that go away and to know there’s nothing you can do about it,’ Mike says. ‘That’s the hard part.’ …

“Procedural memory, a type of long-term memory, is what makes it possible for dementia patients to summon long-ago lyrics, experts say — even as they forget their loved ones’ names. …

“The morning of the fundraiser is 54 degrees. People pull coats tight around their bodies as the morning air nips at their skin.

“Mike convinced Drema to use a wheelchair, which he pushes to the pavilion on a street in downtown Manassas. She burrows her hands under the blanket on her lap. …

“Drema says she feels sorry for people who have Alzheimer’s: ‘We never know who’s going to have it. The doctor put it on my list of stuff that I might get because I’m old. But that hasn’t happened.’

“She looks at Mike and asks what they’re doing. He pinches her nose; she giggles. He looks at her tenderly. He wheels her back to the car.”

What courage it takes to be a caregiver! I can’t imagine how hard it must be.

More at the Post, here.