I have been standing at the hospital window, eating granola and looking west at the George Washington Bridge over the Hudson River as the sun comes up. On the far shore is a town where my siblings and I grew up. I remember when my baby sister came home from the hospital years ago. I got off the school bus and saw this tiny creature with a very red mouth sleeping by the front door in a cradle.
Hello, New Day!
I am with my sister. For her, there will not be many new days. She is in hospice. That is where the brain cancer called glioblastoma lands its victims more often than not. I am feeling so angry at this disease. I told the physician assistant that when you go on the web, it says the cancer is rare. Huh! Everyone I mention it to knows someone who has it or had it. The PA admitted they are seeing a lot of cases now.
No one seems to know what causes glioblastoma. Radiation was mentioned. But from what? Worse, no one knows how to cure it. “Let’s try this, let’s try that.” Some of the treatments provide a little respite.
Yesterday my sister’s latest cancer-related episode was diagnosed as pneumonia, and the amount of poking and fiddling and blood taking from now-invisible veins was just too much. Her doctor explained the situation and helped my sister and her husband come to the conclusion that glioblastoma was going to win against my lovely little sister very soon and that she’d rather be comfortable than poked and prodded to no avail.
So here we are. Our brothers have flown in. John and others have called. Suzanne got my husband to babysit so she could come by train. We’ll all be saying good-bye.
The cancer diagnosis was only one year and two months ago. One year and two months.
Anyone concerned about the increase of this and other mysterious brain cancers might want to find a brain cancer research center to give to. There is actually a ton of research going on, and perhaps surprisingly, all the centers seem to be collaborating. Something is bound to break through one of these days.
So very, very sorry. This post brought tears to my eyes. Unfortunately, I know all too well what you are going through. Way too much cancer in my own family. My thoughts are with you during this horribly sad time. Always extremely hard to lose those whom we love. Sigh.
Thank you.
To like your post almost seems heartless on a day that is full of heartache, you truly have my sympathy and prayers. Iβm glad they decided to just let your sister be comfortable.
Thank you, Deb.
Our hearts are aching, God be with Nell and her husband, God be with you and the family, God be with with all of us.
Yes, with us all.
I can not post a Like. I know what you and your family are going through. I lost a very close relative two years ago. It took less a year for his cancer to take over. But that last year when he went through all the treatments was very important for our family; we could say good bye and just comfort him. I and my family`s thoughts are with you
Thank you.
I’m so sorry. π Your sister is in my prayers as well as you and your family. π
She died peacefully on Thursday.
I’m so sorry. π¦ She’s no longer suffering, but I know that doesn’t make you miss her any less. My prayers are with you all!
Thank you for allowing us to be part of your family at this sad, sad time. Through your wonderful blog, we’ve learned so much, including how to confront the pains of life and how to find balm for those pains in family, friends, colleagues, nature, and art, Sending love and comfort…
And thank you for being willing to be part of my family for a while.
My heart goes out to you, your sister, your brothers, and all your family. So many wonderful memories of our childhood, birthday parties, choir, Sunday school, and so much more. Please know you are in my prayers.
Gail Goodday Ladd
Gail, I appreciate your kindness.
Oh, Caroline–my heart breaks for you. I have a younger sister and I cannot imagine my life without her. Your sister has been through so much–her decision was a tough one, I’m sure, but I think it’s the one most of us would make for ourselves, in this awful situation. I hope you find strength and comfort from the rest of your family being close . . .
When there is no hope, I think I would choose that too. And I asked several of the hospital people what they would choose, and they said the same.
So very hard and tragic to travel this road to the end with your beloved sister. No, brain cancer is not so rare these days as we all know well. Your closing about massive research collaboration is the one positive takeaway. It has been a privilege to share in your sister’s painful journey.
Yes, at least there is a lot of good research going on. I give to the Jimmy Fund, but there are numerous options.
Dear Caroline, This is heartbreaking news. Sending love to you all, Claire
Thank you so much. A terrible disease.
Dear Suzanne,
Cancer is the worst illness ever.
Like a thief, it enters our hearts, minds, and souls and robs us of our peace and happiness .
We cannot let the terrible disease win.
Be strong..
Be positive…
Keep the memories and love alive every day .
Sending love and strength ,
Donna Oldrid from Montessori children’s house
We are very touched to hear from you. You speak as one who has been there.
Heart felt sympathies with you and your entire family. She was lucky to have a sister like you no doubt. Susan Knightly
(Your brother Bo is my brother, Mattβs father in law)
Thank you, Susan. I do know who you are!
Dear Suzanne. I just came across your blog and wanted to say hello to you and your sister. I live in New York and was diagnosed with glioblastoma in January 2016. I’ve recently had a recurrence, and am about to enter a trial. I’m so sorry this has happened to your sister. I’m originally from the UK and I think you maybe too? I created a non profit for people and carers of those with GBM. It’s called OurBrainBank and will be launching in the UK soon. We have a certified app, developed with my neuro-oncologist at Columbia, for people affected by the disease to track their symptoms and donate their data to medical researchers searching for better treatments. You can find us at http://www.ourbrainbank.com or my blog here. Sending you the bestest of luck X
Thank you kindly. A friend sent my sister the app early on. I hope your trial is very successful.
I feel very much out of the loop, and very sad after the fact to read about the death of your beloved younger sister. My heart goes out to you and your family. Deep sigh.
You are kind, Will. This is much appreciated.
I am a friend of your sister. Thank you for sharing it and I am very sorry for your loss as well as mine.
Thank-you, Doreen. There will be a service in NYC in January. I can tell you more if you want to email me at suzannesmom@lunaaandstella.com.
I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family, I feel such sorrow for you all.
The memorial service yesterday was truly a celebration of life. Beautiful.
Reblogged this on Suzanne's Mom's Blog and commented:
I wrote this post one year ago, the day my little sister died. We think of her all the time. In three days, her birthday, we will celebrate her life with ice cream. Today we are also mourning the death yesterday of Erik’s second father, in Sweden, a wonderful man. We are grateful he was able to be at home these last few months. So many memories!
Thanks for your words and thoughts
Thinking of you. Let me know when you have time to talk.
So sorry.
Thank you.tiffanyarpdaleo.
suzannesmom I will let you know when I have time to talk.
I canβt wish you a happy anniversary for a memory like that. I realize none of us are getting out of this alive, but losing a younger sibling is not what we hope for. So I wish peace and sweet memories can console you all before we slip the bonds of life.
Thank you, Earle. I really appreciate it.
This was a baby sister who must have been born after Willie, and/or after you had moved from the Copeland Estate. Another family member and so much younger. We think our younger siblings will be with us all our lives, but nature sometimes has other plans.
Actually, she lived there until she was six, but we don’t always notice neighbors who are a lot younger. She would have been 9-10 years younger than you, Earle.